Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
