my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
