she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
