Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
