So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
