Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
