I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
