Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
