When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
