how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish you could order shots online.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
