I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
