Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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