just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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