I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
