She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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