There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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