in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
