You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
