Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
