I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
