Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
