What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
