I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
