after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
