I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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