I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
