the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
