ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
