I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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