I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I just went to clothing optional bar
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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