it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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