Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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