You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
