Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
