super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
