im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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