Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
