i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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