is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
