If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
