the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
