my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
