I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just had sex on a roof
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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