Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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