He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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