chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
