worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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