I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
