I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
