Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
