She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
