its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
